30 days of self care
This all started when I, feeling overwhelmed by my to do list one day, asked myself a question…
“What do I need today?”
I heard myself say “30 days of self care”.
What? Where did that come from? There was only a moment’s hesitation before the answer whispered itself in my head.
I thought I would say something like ‘drink more water’. or prioritize better. or move more.
But my brain popped out a plan so I decided to start three days later on a Monday because everything big starts on a Monday, right?
The first week, I set aside time to do things. I planned self care. It tended to feel pretty good but this wasn’t always exactly what I needed. As soon as I realized this, I realized I was in danger of turning my self care into another line item on my to do list. So later in the week, I really started paying attention to how I was feeling. When I felt a way that wasn’t preferable, I asked myself “What do I need?”
But a pattern was forming. What I really needed was to disconnect from what can feel like endless to do’s, should’s, have to’s, need to’s, next’s, get it done’s. I needed to step away from what everyone else needed and listen to what I needed. AND THEN DO THAT. Not next week or tomorrow or when I can get around to it.
I needed to do it every day. Every. single. day.
I didn’t realize this until the 6th day in a row… all days pretty different from the one that came before… that I needed the same thing. I need a break.
By week two, I started to feel greedy. Fifteen minutes a day didn’t feel like enough. I couldn’t help but think that I have 24 hours in a day and of my waking time, I can only afford myself 15 minutes to give myself what I need at my core? Seriously? How wrong can I be living if this is true?
But it wasn’t true.
I had more time that I frittered away on this and that. Often, time spent thinking I needed a break. Week two showed me I wanted to feel this kind of good more often.
By week three, I found it was a lot easier and much more natural to notice how I was feeling. How my need to disconnect, for freedom, was expressing itself. By this time, I had let go of the idea that I needed to plan some self care time. It happened in the moment. A moment could shift how I felt! ONE MOMENT! All I had to do was pay attention to how I felt, notice how I was interacting with the world around me and to the thoughts filling my head.
All I had to do was listen, acknowledge and lean in.
By week 4, I started feeling some anxiety about my 30 days coming to an end. I didn’t want them to. Not surprisingly, feeling good is pretty addictive. Could I trust that when my project ended, I would still show up for myself in the way I needed? I know giving myself a ‘project’ can result in better follow through. If I just say that self care is a daily thing, will I continue to take those moments every day, without fail, regardless of how much is crowding my day?
I felt anxiety because things could just go back to the way they were before and I didn’t want that.
I am thinking about what’s next. I think this is going to happen again. And again until it is completely natural for me to do. Some people reached out to me privately asking what program or course I was following. I was following my wisest voice. The one that knows but won’t fight for air time because there is no peace in that.
A word of thanks to those of you who followed along with me. I don’t even know why I shared it… perhaps just for accountability, to be witnessed. Maybe because we could all use regular self care.
I am not sure what is next but I want to continue listening to myself. I truly hope you will listen to yourself. You know what you need. Ask the question. Listen to the answer and do that.
We all deserve this.
